Monday, June 8, 2009

I survived!

I have not posted in a really long time! I really have not had a spare moment the past few months. Not to mention that Carson broke our digital camera, so I can't post any new pictures. These past few months have been a real growing experience for our whole family. I started working for the first time in 10 years this past January at Riverside Community College and then in February I started the Spring semester and took three classes at night. I know it was crazy and I knew it would be hard, but I am trying to finish the Interpreter Training Program at RCC and needed these classes in this specific semester. For the most part I was gone four days a week from morning to night. It was soooo difficult! I just constantly felt pulled in ten different directions. There were so many times I wanted to drop my classes, but I persevered and I made it through.
I said this was a growing expereince for our whole family and it was. With the year I had gone through with dealing with Brooklyn's hospitalization and caring for her when she came home, I was in the depths of depression. I had given everything I had in me to her and my family and somewhere I had lost who I was. Last fall I felt a strong impression to return to school and enter the Interpreter Program, even though I had never wanted to be an interpreter. Taking those classes saved me. I finally had an outlet and saw that I had something to give and I had talents to offer. It also got my mind off of the terrible tradgedy of losing the old Brooklyn, helped me move forward and put the past behind us. Starting to work was also something I really needed personally. There is so much frustration with dealing with Brooklyn that it can be very disheartening. Her progress is very slow and most of the time you don't know if your efforts make a difference at all. Having an outlet to help me feel like a success has really helped me be more patient with Brooklyn. With me out going to school and working it forced Brian and the kids to carry some of the burden of caring for the house and Brooklyn. I have always done it all and taken pride in doing it all, but it was killing me inside.
I love my husband so much. He really stepped up to the plate and has supported me in my efforts. Now we both share the responsibility of parenting like we never have before. He worries about who is picking up Carson from school or what to make for dinner just as much as I do. He does a load of laundry when it needs to be done, or helps with a school project when it comes. Not only do I have a greater love and appreciation for him, but the kids do too. As he cares for their needs more, they have come to know and love eachother more as well.
My children have really had to become more self-reliant. They get themselves off to school, make their own lunches and help care for Brooklyn and even know how to make dinner. While sometimes it would kill me to have to leave such responsibilites to my children to handle and potentially fail at, I know it was best for them. I realize what an enabler I have been.
So now the semester is over. I will still be working part-time during the summer to make ends meet, but I survived and so did my family. I think we are all better because of it too.